It seems like with each passing day our hearts are longing to reach out to some of our favorite Disney attractions that we miss the most! How we yearn to FEEL the sweet CARESS of the Peoplemover’s blue vinyl upholstery against our skin AGAIN!
And somehow the fine line that usually divides our more logical thinking and what we would normally recognize as an irrational use of our time and energy right now has become BLURRED!
In fact, our minds have become so muddled with passionate feelings to see how our favorite attractions are holding up throughout all of this that we’ve started to believe maybe, just MAYBE, the rides are MISSING US, TOO?!?
If you’ve ever had some inclination that your favorite Disney World ride had feelings of its own or could become self-aware after the parks had closed for the day (nope? Just us? OK, then.), join us as we dive down into the strange but satisfying metaphysical vortex of what some of the Disney World rides are contemplating now that the people have temporarily left the parks.
Excerpt from PeopleMover’s Diary
“Man, 2020 is turning out to be the worst year of mah LIFE! I should’ve known when my belt started to smoke and the fire department showed up on January 2nd that I needed to SLOW MY ROLL. I’m just so passionate about MOVING PEOPLE!! I can’t help myself! Then I had to close AGAIN right before the parks did. Seriously, I’m a dumpster FIRE!”
“I gotta take this time to get myself back together! I can’t be everybody’s EVERYTHING if I’m nobody’s nothing! When the parks reopen, Buzz Lightyear and Astro Orbiter better watch their backs. You’re gonna see a whole new, fully-rested PeopleMover when I get my life back on track instead of this Hot Mess Express. MARK MY WORDS!”
Entry from Space Mountain’s Mémoires
“Things have been pretty dark around here since the guests left. I mean, LITERALLY! Nobody’s turning on any of the ding dong LIGHTS. They say in space no one can hear you scream — and that’s a GOOD thing. With the place recently vacated I’ve been working on my whistle tones so I can reach Mariah Carey’s highest registers. 2021 American Idol auditions, HERE I COME!”
“They’ll all say they knew me WHEN…”
Haunted Mansion’s Most-Recent Eulogy
“I can’t believe how many episodes of Love is Blind and The Bachelor Constance Hatchaway is watching right now. It seems like she might be getting ready to tie the knot AGAIN! I just hope she doesn’t ask me to be in her bridal party again.
Meanwhile, if I have to tell these grim grinning ghosts one more time to STOP coming out to socialize, I’m going to LOSE IT! Even though they’re keeping their distance from each other, their dance parties, duels, and operatic singing are doing my head in — at least they would be if I had one!”
“And can the hitchhiking ghosts give it a rest already since the Doom Buggies aren’t going anywhere at the moment?? They’re just mulling about with their thumbs in the air when they could be helping out around the place more! C’mon you guys! Can you pitch in a little with brushing off some of these cobwebs? They’re really starting to build up!”
Transmission From Rise of the Resistance in Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge
“Wow. It turns out this whole Light Side v. Dark Side thing was just one BIG misunderstanding. We’re all SO super chill here now! You would NOT believe it! DJ R3X has sauntered over from Oga’s Cantina and is helping to keep the peace by laying down some funky droid tracks that totally SLAP! Meanwhile, Rey has been Skypeing with some of the Stormtroopers’ kiddos back home and is teaching them how to make sushi using only THEIR MINDS. Yup, they think she’s the coolest!”
“General Hux is holding a new self-help book club. This week the group is reading Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. It’s a little touchy-feely, but that’s kind of the mood we’re all going for now that we’re finally vibing. Chewbacca has tapped into his more domesticated side and keeps whipping up batches of Chewie Chews! Good thing they’re healthy, otherwise our thighs would be wider than the Millennium Falcon by now!”
Diary Entry from Slinky Dog Dash
“It’s another beautiful day here in Andy’s backyard! Jessie and Rex keep talking about this Carole Baskin lady while Wheezy’s been in the studio recording his new album non-stop. He played his title track for us today called, “I’m Not Your Little Squeaker Toy Anymore,” and man, I gotta say — that was some heady stuff.”
“The Green Army Men are going through a lot of TP right now (as are the rest of the toys in Toy Story Land). I sure hope they restock our supplies soon otherwise I might need Sheriff Woody to commandeer some from Tower of Terror! We hear those guys really loaded up at Costco before things got dicey. Maybe they’ll trade us some for our 3-D glasses?!”
Flight Log From Flight of Passage
“How’s the Valley of Mo’ara, you ask? Oh, honey, I’m looking just as jaw-dropping GORGEOUS as ever! Thanks for asking, soldier! 😉 When the parks reopen, how about you come up and see me sometime? Don’t have a way to drop in? I got banshees for that!”
“AND, you’ll be happy to know you curious little creature, you, that desperado Dr. Stevens has been surfing Match.com in hopes of meeting a lady scientist who he can really hit it off with. Not very lucky in love, that Dr. Stevens. If only he could project himself with an air of confidence such as my fabulous self. If you’re into long walks on the beach and are a bit desperately lonely, too, why don’t you slide into his DMs? He’s ‘kewldoctor17,’ just don’t tell him I sent you!”
Daily Report From Expedition Everest
“Disco Yeti has always known how to cut a rug with his Saturday Night Fever dance moves, but now the abominable snowman has been bitten by the baking bug! We don’t know where he’s getting all this flour from, but every time we turn around he’s slicing into another fresh loaf of artisan bread!”
“He thinks he’s going to audition for The Great British Baking Show next year — and while we definitely think he’s got what it takes to impress Mary Berry and Paul Hollywood, he’s going to leave some big shoes to fill over here. Does he have a cousin we could call to sub in? Bigfoot? Chewbacca? ANYONE?!”
Letter From Frozen Ever After
“Anna and Elsa are making so many microwave mug cakes in Arendelle right now, it’s INSANE! Meanwhile, Kristoff has gone full-blown Bryan Adams on us and is writing even more power ballads for his next big release.”
“Marshmallow has been putting some of the Snowgies in the windows for anyone who happens by, and Sven is working on a paint-by-numbers with the deepest level of intensity we’ve ever seen. Oh, and Olaf has been completely naked THIS WHOLE TIME. He’s not even wearing his carrot, buttons, or twigs anymore. RUDE.”
Dreamcast From Journey into Imagination
“Dr. Nigel Channing here from the Imagination Institute! I know since Figment’s school got canceled I’m responsible for teaching him now, but the purple rascal just won’t sit still! I never realized how helpful the guests were in distracting Figment for a little bit of time. Just long enough for me to catch my bearings.”
“I might need to enlist the aid of a friend. I’m not sure where the Dreamfinder has been since his last appearance on Maury Povich. Honestly, I could use one of those Avocado Margaritas I always hear everyone talking about right now…!”
…oooooorr something like that! Well, it’s official — we’ve completely LOST OUR MINDS. But that’s alright — we know we’re in good company. We’re all lucid dreaming a little these days, so why not go with it and see what you think some of your favorite Disney animatronics are up to!
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What ride’s journal would you like to read? Let us know in the comments below!